In 2020, I read an interview in The Kathmandu Post by Pranaya SJB Rana with former Deputy Speaker Shiv Maya Tumbahangphe. The interview took place at a politically turbulent time, when Tumbahangphe was compelled to step down from her position following the resignation of Speaker Krishna Bahadur Mahara over allegations of attempted rape.
Among everything she said, one statement remained with me long after I finished reading the article:
“Women cannot ask for things solely on the grounds that we are women. We have to develop our capabilities first and then demand what is rightfully ours. We need to be able to say, ‘I’m as capable as any man.’”
Years have passed, but those words still echo in my mind.
There is a version of empowerment that looks bold and grand on the surface but quietly shrinks you. It is the kind that says, give me this because I am a woman. It sounds like advocacy. Sometimes it even feels like justice. But if you look closely, it is asking the world to value your gender, not you. And everyone deserves more than that.
Let us be clear about something first, because this argument is often misunderstood. Fighting for equal pay, safety, healthcare and freedom from discrimination is not what this is about. Those demands are not based on being a woman; they are basic human rights.
As a woman, I strongly believe that we: women, men, or whatever you want to call yourself should always practice a healthy feminism: one that advocates equality, dignity and fairness, not one that replaces one form of discrimination with another.
This belief often leads me to reflect on the ongoing debate surrounding quotas and reservations. I understand why such policies exist. Historically, women and other marginalized groups have been excluded from decision-making positions, education, property ownership and leadership roles. Without deliberate intervention, many of these inequalities would have continued for generations. Representation matters because it allows voices that were previously ignored to be heard.
At the same time, we cannot deny that some people misuse such policies to advance their own interests. When positions are filled merely to satisfy representation rather than serve as a pathway toward genuine empowerment, the very people these policies seek to support may find their competence and legitimacy questioned.
That is why I believe qualified representation is more meaningful than representation based solely on gender. A woman should not occupy a position simply because she is a woman. She should be there because she is capable and qualified, while also recognizing that fair opportunities must exist for capable women to reach those positions in the first place.
Unfortunately, women often face an additional burden. When women gain positions of leadership or power, society frequently questions whether they truly deserve them. Their decisions, abilities and leadership are often scrutinized far more intensely than those of men. This double standard continues to exist in many fields. The most effective answer to that prejudice is competence.
Many women continue to face discrimination, unequal access to education, economic dependence and social restrictions. Their realities remind us that equality has not yet been achieved. This is precisely why policies promoting inclusion remain necessary.
The challenge, therefore, is not choosing between representation and merit. It is ensuring that representation creates pathways for capable individuals who might otherwise be excluded.
For generations, women have often been assigned the role of the deputy, the assistant or the second-in-command. Rarely have they been encouraged to lead. Changing this requires more than quotas. It requires changing mindsets, expanding opportunities and investing in women’s development from an early age.
The world does not need to lower its standards for women. Women are fully capable of meeting those standards and, in countless fields, exceeding them.
The ultimate goal should not be to have women in leadership because they are women, but to evaluate everyone—women and men alike—on the same clear, fair and human standards. That is a goal worth striving for.
A position earned through gender-based advocacy alone is always fragile; it can be questioned, resented and even taken away. The most powerful thing you can do for yourself, and for every woman who comes after you, is to demand to be known for the whole of who you are.
Equality is strongest when it is accompanied by competence. Representation may open the door, but ability keeps it open.
You are a woman. But you are also your intelligence, your discipline, your courage and your unique way of seeing the world.
We stand where we do today because generations of women dared to challenge the barriers before us. Many continue that fight even now. The least we can do is never take their courage, their sacrifices, or the opportunities they secured for granted.
